8 Big Law Firm Lies

Here are 8 Law Firm lies that I suspect happen all over the country on a daily basis. Some people will say anything to get what they want or lull you into a false sense of security. Whilst being a law firm property partner I know some things are said, perhaps with the very best of intentions, but definitely do not work out that way. Here are 8 real life examples:

1. From a software demo at some point, usually in response to a question, the software vendor will say “Oh yes our product integrates with your case management system - it will be really easy. We have a toolkit and we’ve done it before.” Fast forward to 6 months later when you IT manager has aged 10 years, and looks at you as if he is going to strangle you and your first born for revenge, and says “possibly Friday as they’re trying a route around. Then again possibly 2040” 
2. From a client in their first telephone conversation with you 22 milliseconds after the file has been opened. “Ha ha I’m not going to be one of those clients who rings you every 5 minutes and hounds you”. Technically this is not a lie as by the time of exchange they’re ringing you every 3 minutes “just to see if there is any update”.
3. From your accountants during the Solicitors Accounts Rules audit. “You’ll hardly know we’re there, honestly”. You remember this when you are on the rack being roasted by 3 of them under a spotlight about a 7p write off from a file 11 months ago where you cannot remember if you personally called round to the client’s last 3 addresses to see if they were still there . 
4. From your lovely staff. “We’ll never eat all that!” when you have office pizza and  they say “We’ll make sure there will be loads left when you get back from your meeting”. This all starts in the morning with someone in the office who has a Papa Johns loyalty card does the order for you because they want the points. You think 26 large pizzas might be an over order when there’s only 30 of you in today and 2 of those are only “doing shakes because we put on an ounce over Christmas” but hey ho. You get back to the office 4 minutes after the pizza delivery to find a plague of locusts has swarmed in and there’s only 2 nibbled crusts, and 12 pots of garlic and herb dip left.    
5. From your regulator. “We’re here to help and guide”. This roughly translates as walk off the expected line and we’ll get you. As to the “protecting the public” line the Chair of the SRA said recently they will be looking at disciplinary action against solicitors in the Post Office Scandal  “at pace”. Given that’s about 10 years since the first complaints were made to them I would hate to see them doing something slowly. 
6. From your marketing gurus. “We won’t keep pestering you for content”. This is slightly at odds with the cold assassin look you get from them as they leave your office saying “copy by Friday or else” (which is why you’re reading this). 
7. From your partners. “I’ll let you have my views on that discussion document way before the deadline”. Strange then that after 2 weeks you’ve had one response (send by text message from a departure lounge in haste) and yet  in the 7 minutes before the deadline 90% of the responses come in, one with 3 seconds to spare. 
8. From a recruitment company you’ve not dealt with before. “We’ve got 2 really good candidates for that role you’re advertising”  2 hours later you see them advertising the role you’ve got and they’ve not been able to send you any CVs yet as they are still “waiting to hear back with agreement from the candidate” Yeah right.