Hats, pan pipes and cash - why law firms need to be more Peruvian. Oh and expect me to be the next SRA chair...

Last year I went on holiday to Peru and I have become a bit of a Peru bore, so taken was I with the country and its people. So for the last time ever I will mention Peru again but this time -What Peru can teach UK law firms- it’s time we all channelled our inner Peruvian

Hats – no self respecting Peruvian doesn’t wear a decent hat to work. Sadly no-one in the UK now does. It’s time that fedoras, trilbies and fascinators became common place in every UK law firm. Hats make people feel smart, get instant respect and bring out a smile, sometimes for the right reasons, sometimes not. Fascinator Friday needs to become a real thing and its much more interesting than Testimonial Tuesday. The marketing people would love it.

Pan pipes. In Peru pan pipes are everywhere including often as musak in shops playing western songs with the old musical flutes. This could catch on in UK law firm offices. Who would not love a pan pipe version of “You’re the one that I want” blaring out over a speaker in the interview room in pan pipes whilst the clients sign their pre-nuptial agreement or ”Since you’ve been gone” as the clients make their wills?

Money laundering. Juliaca is a bit of a frontier town in Peru and is basically a cash only society. “No-one pays taxes here” I was reliably informed by a local. The whole town seems like an open market where you can buy literally anything – car parts, pots, pans, hats and sacrifice animals for your religious ceremonies (I’m not joking here). So the next time you moan about your client’s bank statements on source of funds pity your poor Peruvian counterpart as their client explains the bag of cash for the house deposit.

I see the SRA are looking for a new Chair. 2 days a week for a mere £105,000 plus expenses ,naturally. I am expecting the recruitment agency appointed to be knocking on my door shortly as my wife tells me I have all the appropriate skills needed after a recent “discussion” about my failure to pick up some dry cleaning. Apparently I’ve got an inability to listen, I’m unable to read a room, I miss the bleeding obvious in front of my nose, I say I’m consulting when really I’ve already decided what course of action to take and I love sitting on my high horse. The only thing that stands between me and appointment is the potential that I’m overqualified. Please expect my next column to be called something pompous like “Views from the Chair”